Let’s Talk About (Talking About) Sex

This work was generated by Elysia R. Todd as an activism project for women’s sexuality as part of a course, WS 460.

One of the recurring themes in this course has been the way in which language shapes our ideas and actions. In any field, we have to make efforts to be able to communicate clearly, to define our language for our peers. We use jargon and operationalizations to make certain that we agree before we speak. Research in language and psychology shows a remarkable effect; if we don’t have a word for something, it limits our ability to talk or even think about a topic. Ask someone to try and think of something they have no word for. They will likely not be able to come up with anything at all, or if they do, it will take some time. If we do have words for a topic, but these words are too general or take too singular an approach to something, our thought is similarly limited. It is exceptionally difficult to think of that which we have no concept of, no way of describing. Similarly, it is extremely difficult to think of something in a broader sense than the words we use to describe it or the words used around it (Finn, 2008). Ask someone from the Midwest what the weather is when it is precipitating, they will tell you it is raining. Ask someone from the northwest, and you may be told it is drizzling, sprinkling, showering, pouring, misting, and so on. Language has a powerful impact upon us every day of our lives.
Sex and sexuality in particular displays these limiting effects of language most readily. Though in a logical sense we recognize that all parties in a sexual act can have agency, our language does not reflect that (Jackson & Cram, 2003). Most of our sexual language seems to center around the male as the agent, the male orgasm as the singular goal (Oakley, 1996). Indeed, many legal definitions of rape and sexual assault are still based on penile-vaginal penetration. Similarly, though the array of sexual behavior is vast, our language lumps it into small and inaccurate categories such as foreplay and sex. Even further, language about sex in our culture has been used to degrade and limit those who do not comply with the norms of our sexual mores (Braun & Kitzinger, 2001). In this respect it is easy to see why women have trouble speaking up to their partners (Moore & Davidson, 2000), friends (Cleary, Barhman, MacCormack, & Herold, 2002), or even medical professionals (Wendt, Hildingh, Lidell, Westerståhl, Baigi, & Marklund, 2007) about sexual satisfaction and desires, sexual health, and more.


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